Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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