i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
