I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
