somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize