I faked an abortion last night.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
