No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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