when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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