We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
