now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I am naked and annoyed.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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