the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
