i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
