Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize