every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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