Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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