his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize