ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
