So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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