Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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