Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize