My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize