remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We need to get me chipped asap
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
