I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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