i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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