How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So squirting runs in the family.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
