I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
