but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
