My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
