I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
