1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
