So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
they need to just BURY HIM!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize