I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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