remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
