im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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