He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
