Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
