i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This house was built for laser tag.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
