i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
