she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I deserve this hangover.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize