Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
