I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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