i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
