i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
