Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
