I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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