I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
