That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
