i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Oh god it's open bar.
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