So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
