I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
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