I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
