I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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