I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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