they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
