Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
too bad you live with your parents still
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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