I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
