How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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