Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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