we have pet lesbian snakes
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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