is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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