what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
