well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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