I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
