wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
