Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
