Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
it was like eating out sand paper
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
