just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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