I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
