He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
pop tarts are not kleenex
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
