How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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