i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
