My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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