I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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