Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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