he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
